Stories from Africa: Men, in 3 parts

My first week working in the DRC was different because of a noted absence. For an entire week I had no women to interact with socially. None. It felt very strange...and isolating. Which perhaps made the following incidents all the more poignant.

Men, part 1: On my 3rd day in Kalamie I was visiting a child growth monitoring activity and a protected water spring in the project work zone. My trip coordinator Jean was unable to accompany me, and instead he sent along Tom, who speaks both English and Swahili, to be my translator. In between observing the field activities, Tom asked me questions that I'm typically asked in these situations, such as "Are you married? Do you have a family? etc. And I typically answer honestly..."No,..(as I hold up my hands)..no rings", "Hopefully some day", "I'm looking for a husband from my own culture", etc. We finally got a chance to stop for a lunch snack and as the other members of the party were munching on bread and sipping cokes, Tom comes over to me and proceeds to propose that I marry him. Mind you, I met him 5 HOURS before this moment. He launches into a speech about him being man with international connections, a Christian, and since we're both single and wanting to get married, we should marry each other. I kept saying that I "was flattered, but..." (insert any rational reason here). I tried to not be rude and to remain kind. He kept going on and on, trying to convince me to accept. Finally he asked me to pray about it, and he would get back to me the following day. Needless to say, the 3 hour drive back to Kalamie was rather awkward. The next day Tom asked again, and I was much more frank with him. "I'm flattered but no, I don't want to marry you, I want to marry someone from my own culture." Once again he kept trying to convince me otherwise. But then he let it go. The worst part was when he called me into his office an hour later, and proceeded to show me a photo he had taken of me the previous day and posted on his laptop, and then say "I see this picture of you, and I am admiring it." This started to border on harassment, and the making of a very uncomfortable work environment. Fortunately Tom left for his regular worksite the next day. A week later I found out that he was emailing another white expat staff member and trying to convince her to marry him, while all this was going on with me.

Men, part 2: While in Kalamie I was staying at the UN base. An older (potentially smarmy) gentleman, who I had never had any interaction with, came up to the bar where you pay for meals in the restaurant and paid for my breakfast one morning. It felt creepy, because in Africa there is no free meal - people always want something from you. But I never had any interaction again. Whew!

Men, part 3: Over the course of the week I met the man who had the room next to mine in the UN guesthouse quarters. His name was Oscar, he was Norwegian, and worked for the UN. On Saturday I was in the restaurant watching the Olympic track and field events. Oscar came in just after his countryman had won the javelin throw. I used this fact to strike up a conversation, and in the end Oscar and I watched the rest of the T&F events together, chatting about what we were seeing on the TV. Very non-threatening (finally!) and just plain fun!